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The Gaslight Effect

How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life

ebook
1 of 1 copy available
1 of 1 copy available

In this groundbreaking guide, the prominent therapist Dr. Robin Stern shows how the Gaslight Effect works, how you can decide which relationships can be saved and which you have to walk away from—and how to gasproof your life so you'll avoid gaslighting relationship.
Your husband crosses the line in his flirtations with another woman at a dinner party. When you confront him, he asks you to stop being insecure and controlling. After a long argument, you apologize for giving him a hard time.
Your mother belittles your clothes, your job, and your boyfriend. But instead of fighting back, you wonder if your mother is right and figure that a mature person should be able to take a little criticism. 
If you think things like this can’t happen to you, think again. Gaslighting is an insidious form of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to recognize and even harder to break free from.
 
Are you being gaslighted? Check for these telltale signs:
 
1) Does your opinion of yourself change according to approval or disapproval from your spouse?
2) When your boss praises you, do you feel as if you could conquer the world?
3) Do you dread having small things go wrong at home—buying the wrong brand of toothpaste, not having dinner ready on time, a mistaken appointment written on the calendar? 
 
4) Do you have trouble making simple decisions and constantly second guess yourself?
 
5) Do you frequently make excuses for your partner's behavior to your family and friends?
 
6) Do you feel hopeless and joyless?

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    • Library Journal

      April 1, 2007
      Following in the steps of writers like Patricia Evans ("The Verbally Abusive Relationship"), psychotherapist Stern addresses gaslightingemotional abuse and manipulation among family members, coworkers, friends, and lovers. The "gaslight effect" refers to the classic 1944 film "Gaslight", in which a wife, eager for her abusive husband's approval, allows her self-esteem to be sabotaged to the point she believes she is losing her mind. The gaslighter, who may be male or female, though usually male in a romantic relationship, insists on being right and is always the winner; he may not be an intimidator but may threaten or be perceived as threatening. The gaslightee excuses and eventually feels responsible for the gaslighter's manipulative behavior. Focusing on gaslightees, Stern presents a three-stage model of gaslighting leading from disbelief through defense to depression, illustrated with examples taken from her clinical work. She describes types of gaslighters and shows gaslightees how to identify situations and feelings indicating that gaslighting may be happening. Her advice and strategies for "turning off the gas," making decisions for staying or leaving, and keeping future relationships "gaslight free" are practical and sound, emphasizing improving self-esteem and visualizing outcomes. Sidebars give scenarios, scripts, and indicators. Strongly recommended for self-help collections in public libraries.Lucille M. Boone, San Jose P.L., CA

      Copyright 2007 Library Journal, LLC Used with permission.

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  • English

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